Gen Z’s lack of interest in sex has been shaped by “unfortunate side effects” of the #MeToo movement, skewed self-perception thanks to social media and exposure to pornography at a very young age, says neuroscientist and human sexuality expert Dr Debra Soh.
To young women serious about finding a partner, Soh’s advice is to get in the best possible place in terms of their mental and physical health and attitude toward dating. Her message to young men in the same boat is to cut anything that’s “demotivating” out of their lives – including porn.
“I know many young men probably think I’m nuts for saying this, but when you watch porn, you have an orgasm, and it will sedate you and take the edge off of your sexual frustration. Sexual frustration actually acts as a very potent motivator for men to not only seek out partners in real life, but also to want to attain status so that they can impress those partners,” Soh tells RNZ’s Afternoons.
Dr Debra Soh is a Canadian neuroscientist and human sexuality expert.
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With everyone so used to being on a screen, people of all ages seem less motivated to seek out in-person interactions, Soh says. But this tech-fuelled cultural change has the potential to warp human development.
“This is important. It goes beyond the question of sexual inactivity. It’s a representation or reflection of human connection more broadly. I really think we are headed in a very unfortunate direction if we don’t turn things around.”
Generation Z (people born between 1997 and 2012) have been most adversely affected by the “mainstreaming” of phone addiction and social media, she says.
“Both sexes are being affected negatively in terms of what they believe they need to look like, pursuing these procedures in both sexes to try and have a hypermasculine or a very feminine look or to resemble a filter.”
While #MeToo did some wonderful things to counter workplace imbalances and help end sexual predation, one “unfortunate side effect” of the movement is that it’s hampered sex and dating dynamics, Soh says.
“Young men are averse to approaching women in public because they don’t want to be labelled a predator. They don’t want to be filmed and potentially put on social media, and have their life ruined.”
The rise of “manosphere-type guys” who promote male dominance and hostility toward women has come about partly because many young men feel “aggrieved and discriminated against” for the actions of those who came before, and are angry about the cultural message that masculinity is somehow inherently “toxic”.
To bridge gender “divisiveness” and make real-life connections, Soh believes young people are wise to avoid social media and get to know members of the opposite sex as human beings IRL.
Soh’s advice to heterosexual women keen for a relationship is to get into the best possible place in terms of mental health, physical health and your attitude toward dating.
She recommends also keeping in mind that in today’s climate, men are very reluctant to approach women unless one makes it “so obvious” that she is interested.
“One thing a woman can do is smile very, very widely and obviously at a man whom she finds attractive, because this activates a part of the brain called the medial orbital frontal cortex … If you, as a woman, are smiling at a man, he is going to feel compelled to come and speak to you.”
On average, young men are falling behind in society, Soh says, and too many are falling prey to “toxic voices telling them that the solution is either to have a harem of women whom you control or to completely check out of the mating market entirely”
– Published by EveningReport.nz and AsiaPacificReport.nz, see: MIL OSI in partnership with Radio New Zealand