Source: Radio New Zealand
Farid Ahmed was hit by a car 30 years ago. (File photo) AFP
Almost three decades ago, Farid Ahmed was hit by a car while he was crossing Main Road Stoke to go to work, in Nelson.
He was in his 30s, newly married and has no memory of the accident.
“Eyewitnesses told me that a driver wanted to overtake a couple of other cars in front of him and I was standing there, so he just hit me, and my body was thrown up, and then it dropped on the windscreen, rolled it front and the car went over me.”
The accident left him a paraplegic and wheelchair bound. He spent 11 days in a coma at Burwood Hospital, his family told he had a seven per cent chance of survival. The driver never faced charges.
Farid Ahmed. (File photo) AFP
Almost 30 years later, Ahmed would still like to meet the person who hit him, to tell them they are forgiven and that he holds no animosity towards them.
“If I was behind the accelerator in his place and I made a mistake, what would I expect other people to think of me?”
Ahmed was speaking at a event held by Restorative Justice Nelson this weekend, to celebrate 25 years of helping thousands of victims and perpetrators of crime process the hurt and harm its caused.
The organisation gives victims the opportunity to express their feelings, while encouraging criminals to acknowledge the impact of their actions and take steps to repair the damage.
Ahmed shared his experience of loss and offering forgiveness. His wife Husna was killed in the 2019 mosque attack in Christchurch and he also wanted to meet the man who murdered his wife, who he had chosen to forgive.
He had taken part in the restorative justice process before, meeting in with the 28-year-old Christchurch man who threatened to attack two Christchurch mosques on the second anniversary of the city’s terror attack.
At the conference, the two hugged each other and the man apologised for his actions. Ahmed said it was wonderful and he felt like he had conquered the world.
“I thought that my approach was correct and this is a restoration, you find a way to bring the hearts together.”
Darkest day
Iafeta Matalasi, who would also speak at the event, said the memory of his darkest day remains clear.
One morning in August 2013, two police officers knocked on his door to tell him his youngest son, Alonsio, had died.
“I don’t know how to describe it, I went numb. I didn’t know what was up and what was down. My whole world just got smashed. He was my baby boy, the fourth of four sons and when I got news, I just fell apart.”
Mongrel Mob members Shane Harrison and Dillin Pakai were later found guilty of killing Alonsio, who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Matalasi said he was consumed with blind fury for the two men and he wanted revenge.
He wrote a victim impact statement ahead of their sentencing, but it was rejected multiple times for being abusive and threatening.
On the 10th rewrite, Matalasi said he heard his son’s voice telling him that nothing would bring him back, and he needed to focus on raising his two grandsons and an entirely different statement flowed out of him.
“At the end I said, if these guys go to prison, their families are going to suffer, their kids will not have male role models in their homes, they will be locked up and the country will be paying for their upkeep.”
He said he completely forgave his sons killers.
“I would like to ask the court to pardon these two men and let them go free and we will work together to sort out a life after this.”
Matalasi did not get his wish and the pair were sentenced to life imprisonment. But seven years later, after a long wait, he met with Harrison at a restorative justice meeting held in prison.
“I said to him, ‘what you did to Alonsio, it hurt me a lot and it still hurts, but I cannot use that hurt to hate you or anybody. I will use that hurt. I will get over and sort of use it to help other people.”
Matalasi said he had survived the most difficult experience of his life and learnt from it and he wants to see more people go through the restorative justice process
“Instead of punishing people, I want to see the justice system working in a way where people can can mend and help each other, instead of locking people away and being punished, I want the community to work together to sort out the problems and live together in harmony.”
What is restorative justice?
While the court system deals with the punishment of the crime, restorative justice focuses on repairing the hurt and harm caused by a crime.
Changes to the Sentencing Act in 2014 meant all cases that meet certain criteria need to be adjourned for consideration of whether restorative justice is appropriate prior to sentencing.
The process was voluntary and both parties had to agree to it.
Restorative Justice Nelson practice lead Mark Rutledge said thousands of people have used the service over the last 25 years. Around a quarter of referrals made result in a meeting being held.
The situations vary, they might work with someone who has kicked over a letterbox and another person who’s committed murder, with many cases involving domestic violence.
“It gives them a forum that they can say how this has been for them, what’s the journey been like and they can eyeball the person that has caused the harm to them, it’s an incredibly effective process for helping people to reframe the trauma that’s been caused to them.”
Rutledge used a filing cabinet analogy. Unprocessed trauma was like the chaotic drawer that had stuff spilling out of it, while processed trauma was like an ordered, indexed drawer that is easier to sort through.
“Once it’s processed, you’re able to open the drawer and know where things are at, so rather than the trauma dictating people’s ongoing responses, they are in control of what happens and I think that’s the beauty of restorative justice that allows them to journey incredibly well, quickly, to get to a better space.”
He said people often asked, “what’s in it for me?” and it wasn’t uncommon to see them take part and change their view, but it wasn’t for everyone.
“There can be many, many different reasons, sometimes it’s too close to the situation, sometimes it’s too far away.
“People talk about the magic of restorative justice and absolutely, but there’s nothing mystical or magical about the process. It’s just actually allowing people to talk, to sit down, to talk and to be real and to process.”
Restorative Justice Nelson business lead Miranda Warner said in the same way there were ripples of harm from an event, there were ripples of healing too.
“Some meetings you have these huge shifts in people, some meetings, it’s a smaller recalibration, but I think that everyone who sits in that room, certainly including myself, is changed by each encounter.”
She said it was an honour and privilege to do such work.
“I am let into often the very worst and lowest moments of people’s lives, and that’s true whether we’re talking about people who’ve been harmed or people who’ve caused harm. In both cases, people can be really at rock bottom.
“Each person has their part of the story, but that story is unfinished and it’s very hard as humans to sit with an unfinished story and there is something that is deeply transformative about people being able to put that story together.”
There’s no time limit after a crime and Restorative Justice Nelson takes community referrals outside the justice system. The organisation is willing to hear from anyone in the community who wants to discuss what the process might look like for them.
Restorative Justice Nelson’s 25 year event, After The Worst Has Happened; A Celebration of Hope, is being held at the Nelson Centre of Musical Arts on February 21.
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– Published by EveningReport.nz and AsiaPacificReport.nz, see: MIL OSI in partnership with Radio New Zealand