Could you be working on unrealistic life goals?

Source: Radio New Zealand

We’re almost a month into the new year and the reality of our resolutions or goals for 2026 might be starting to sink in.

Maybe you’ve already skipped a few workouts or have fallen back into patterns or habits you swore you had shed in 2025.

Researchers say while many of us may benefit from setting life goals, unachievable targets can sometimes have a negative effect on overall wellbeing.

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Sticking with unrealistic wellness goals can have a detrimental impact, experts say.

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No ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to goals

Psychology lecturer Dr Hugh Riddell has been studying the topic at Curtin University’s School of Population Health in Perth/Boorloo.

His team looked at 235 studies from across the world examining how people from different walks of life adjust their goals when faced with obstacles.

“Essentially what we really tapped into was this idea that there are different groups of factors or predictors of this ‘giving up’ or this ‘engagement’ principle’,” he says.

Riddell says what works for one person in approaching a goal may not work for another due to personality traits, coping styles, social support and life circumstances.

“For example, someone’s motivation, age, stress management, strength of relationships, experiences growing up and health status were all found to play a part,” he says.

Educational and developmental psychologist Anushka Phal from Melbourne/Naarm says overall, a healthy goal “should expand your life, not shrink it”.

“When striving for a particular outcome consistently disconnects someone from relationships, rest, creativity, joy, or a sense of self, that’s a strong indicator that something needs to shift,” she says.

“Adjustment doesn’t always mean abandoning the dream entirely. Sometimes it means modifying the pathway or choosing a version of the goal that better fits the season of life they are in.”

Megan Luscombe is a life coach whose practice focuses on women and the LGBTQIA+ community.

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Signs your goals are having a negative impact

Riddell says there’s no “concrete answer” as to when someone may need to give up or adjust a life goal.

But he says staying ‘stuck’ on something you’re struggling with can have a detrimental impact on your wellbeing.

“Sticking with impossible goals can take a real toll, with previous research suggesting it can lead to higher stress, poorer wellbeing and even physical health costs such as illness,” he says.

“But letting go and re-engaging with new goals was found to restore purpose and wellbeing.”

Megan Luscombe is a life coach based in Boonwurrung/Mount Martha, on Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula.

She says negative or unrealistic goals can show up in clients as “burnout, resentment and the feeling of being trapped by something they chose”.

“When the pursuit of a goal starts eroding the life they’re supposedly building, that’s when we stop and reassess what’s actually driving them,” she says.

Phal says for some, there are cultural factors at play.

“For many people, especially from migrant or collectivist backgrounds, life goals may be shaped by family hopes, societal expectations, or a deep sense of responsibility,” she says.

“Sometimes goals are inherited rather than chosen.

“When a dream begins to feel like an emotional debt rather than a source of joy, it is worth pausing to ask, ‘is this goal truly mine?'”

Choose goals that align with you, and not what may look appealing on social media.

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Quitting or changing a goal not a sign of weakness

Riddell recommends people choose goals that align with them, not what may look appealing on social media.

“They should be challenging and exciting and interesting but being realistic with yourself,” he says.

“A lot of the research says that being consistent rather than achieving huge amounts of progress is actually the key to progressing well.”

He says trying to find “day-to-day steps that are manageable” can help you stay on track.

“And if it’s not working, being like, ‘what can I do differently?” he says.

“Task A wasn’t working out for me, what’s task B?

“That might be simplifying the goal. I can’t be a professional athlete, but I can still engage in my local sports club and community or do coaching.

“I’m not going be an astronaut, but I could go and work in like the astronomy field or as an engineer.”

Finding “day-to-day steps that are manageable” can help you stay on track with your life goals.

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Phal says letting go of a goal is “not a sign of failure or lack of discipline, it is often an act of emotional maturity and nervous system wisdom”.

“Many of us hold ourselves rigidly to dreams created by an earlier version of who we were,” she says.

“It is both normal and healthy to update our goals as we update our identity — growth requires flexibility.”

– Published by EveningReport.nz and AsiaPacificReport.nz, see: MIL OSI in partnership with Radio New Zealand